Rachel's Miracle

Grocery shopping can be a challenge for anyone;but for someone with a brain injury, the problem is greatly magnified.

My shopping challenge begins with taking inventory in my Ipad grocery app which is a continuous process taking days or even weeks before the actual shopping trip. The app not only assists my memory by organizing the groceries I need, but it also keeps track of the running cost which helps me stay within my budget.

The next step, is the planning stage. The non-brain injured person can get up and go to the store whenever they want, but for me it takes much more of an effort. Most people do their grocery shopping when it fits into their schedule. Shopping not only has to be at my convenience, but also at the convenience of the person willing to take me. The only request I have for this person is to let me shop independently, no matter how long it takes. Today was one where it was convenient for both of us. Because repetition is instrumental for my memory, shopping at smaller stores, where items are always in the same area, minimizes confusion and frustration. But because I’m typically at the mercy of other people, I ended up at the mega store…Wal Mart… so let the challenge begin.

After setting up my Ipad in the grocery cart, which is now being used as a replacement for my cane, I’m off in search of the first item on my list... deodorant, but since I’m at a new store, it’s not in the spot I thought it would be. Deep breath Rach, it’s okay. So I stop, look around, think logically and go on to do this with each item on my list. It’s difficult for me to bounce around on my shopping list, I have to search for items in the order that I have them listed. And of course this takes me to one end of the store and back to the other end multiple times. Sometimes I wonder what this looks like to others; Oh well, their problem I guess! Perhaps down the road I can figure out how to better organize my grocery app so I can locate items by aisle. But for now, it is what it is.

After I’ve found all my groceries, it’s time to checkout... OH BOY! Most people look for the shortest checkout line, but I look for a lengthy line to ensure giving myself the extra time I need to secure my payment. Due to my left arm impairment, I have to open my purse, wallet and dig out my credit card or money with just one hand. After the checkout is complete, I have to hurry to get out of the way so as the people behind me won’t get impatient. You see, it takes just as long to put everything back in my wallet as it did taking it out.

Now it’s all done, or is it?  Nope, I still have to find the car. Fortunately I’m parked right in the front. Thank goodness for the handicapped spot, well at least something good came out of all this.

Now that it’s all over and I've had time to reflect on the experience I feel a great sense of accomplishment. . . not to mention relief! I realize this will only get better through practice.

A couple weeks ago, there was a special on 20/20 about Gabby Giffords’ amazing recovery. I dvr’d it and started watching it again which inspired this blog. It’s amazing how similar yet different our injuries are.

Gabby and I were not only both shot in the brain but we face many of the same challenges. For example, we both have hemi paresis, meaning weakness in one side. Mine is on the left, where Gabby’s is on her right this is due to which side of the brain was damaged at the motor cortex. Mine on the right, Gabby’s on the left. I have left side weakness because the bullet damaged the right side of my brain. And Gabby has right side weakness because the bullet damaged the left side of her brain. Are you confused yet? It was interesting seeing her smile while in the hospital bed because it looked very similar to mine while I was in the hospital. The only difference is my half smile was on the right side and her half smile is on the left. (See photo below) .

Gabby suffers from Aphasia, which is a language disorder due to damage to the left side of the brain.. She has difficulty finding the right words and expressing herself. Even though the bullet entered the right side of my brain and crossed over into the left hemisphere, it missed the speech center therefore sparing me any language or speech disorders. It’s interesting to note that her husband, Mark Kelly stated on the special the doctor told him if the bullet would have crossed hemispheres it would have killed her. Well I’m here to tell you that I’m living proof that that notion isn’t always correct.

I don’t know how much Gabby’s memory has been affected by her injury but mine was significantly impaired due to the bullet crossing over both hippocampi, the memory centers. I would guess that we’re both dealing with similar executive functioning problems due to the fact that the bullet in my brain went through my left frontal lobe and permanently rests above my left eye. And Gabby was shot in the left frontal lobe, above her left eye. Seeing Gabby in the helmet took me back to that time in my life. We both wore helmets for months to protect our brains because a portion of our skulls were removed to allow our brains to swell.

I really feel a connection to Gabby as well as other TBI survivors. I’m glad that Gabby has decided to bring awareness of brain injury to the general public because everyone needs to be aware of the struggles that we face and there’s no better person than Gabby to bring attention to this. I really hope someday I have the chance to meet her and perhaps we can share our experiences with each other. Gabby’s survival and recovery is really nothing short of a miracle. I wish her all the best and will continue to pray for even further recovery.

I was asked to speak to Columbus State Community College for disability awareness month, this speech took place on October 31st. My goal was to give strength and hope to others while helping them overcome their own adversity. One of the greatest reasons for this presentation was to show others how you can. I want to be a source of inspiration, strength, motivation and hope while helping others live their life to the fullest. I trust that I achieved this! I believe this injury happened for a reason and if this reason is for me to be an advocate for the disabled then it’s all worthwhile. In life, it’s all about doing what you can to help others. Use your own experiences as a guide. Maybe this will be a stepping stone for future opportunities.   Click here to view the news broadcast.

There is nothing more I would want than for people to treat me as if this TBI never happened. But the reality is it did happen and I need everyone to understand the effects this injury has taken on me. For example when I’m out, it’s very difficult for me to physically keep up due to the weakness in my left leg and increased fatigue levels. But at the same time I don’t want to be a bother and ask whoever I’m with to slow down. Quite the dilemma!

Then, there’s the memory difficulties associated with TBI. People who aren’t aware of the severity of my injury, and in many cases even those who are aware, don’t understand how I can forget simple tasks. I know it’s very frustrating for all, but imagine how frustrating it is for me! It’s true that my memory has and will continue to improve and I have developed strategies to compensate, but the truth is my memory will probably never be “normal”; so maybe all I’m asking for is a little patience.

And one last thing: due to the weakness and lack of feeling and motor skills in my left hand please don’t ever attempt to shake that hand unless you want to be clawed!    But in all seriousness, please don’t ever hesitate to offer some helpful suggestions… I’m all ears!

As I look back over these past five years, it's hard to believe how far I have come. True, none of this journey has been easy but I have learned and gained a great deal. For instance: my vocabulary has improved immensly. I have learned much in the way of medical terminology.   I now know the difference between a Neuroseurgeon, a Neuropshycologist and a Neurologist. I've also learned the differences between occupational, physical, recreational and speech therapists. I'm also now aware of the differences bewtween closed and open head injuries.

I have met a wide variety of people I never would have met before: doctors, nurses, therapists, teachers, aides etc. I have gotten to know and have become friends with many wonderful people. Including those from my church, community, across the nation and even around the world, including special friends from  "down under." I have learned what true friendship really means. I have learned the overwhelming majority of human beings have hearts of gold. But on the other hand, I have also seen the darker side. There is a minority who are opinionated and mean-spirited.

I've learned my limitatons and my strengths: mentally, physically and emotionlly. Above all, I've learned that life can be challenging in every way but there is nothing without faith in God and love and support from family and friends. In many ways I have overcome the unthinkable and I plan to continue achieving my goals in life through hard work, a positive attitude and perserverance.

Even though most perceive me as always being positive, which I am most of the time, this journey has not been a walk in the park.  It DOES bother me when I feel like people are staring and almost seem to be judging my physical and cognitive limitations. It DOES bother me that I spent four additional years in the high school setting, while all my friends went onto college. When will it be my turn?  It DOES bother me that I need to depend on others for transportation because "they" say it's unsafe for me to drive. I just want to know when will it be safe?

Recently, I met with a new doctor who seems to be very aggresive in his approach. He has many new ideas to try out. Hopefully these ideas will help continue my healing for years to come.

Thank you for all of your past and continued support and prayers. Here's to the next five years!

-Rachel

     So many thoughts and feelings have been creeping up lately, especially with the five year anniversary of this injury quickly approaching.

     Where will I be in the next five years? How will I make the life that I want for myself? Where will I find the strength I need? When will I finally believe I have truly accepted this injury? And when will I feel that I am actually an adult?

     Now more than ever, the answers to these questions aren't quite as clear as I had hoped for. There’s so much more to think about. But when I reflect back over these last five years I've realized just how far I have come.

     It’s essential to keep motivating myself to continue to push for further recovery. I'm confident that I will find my way and with the help of God, I will get through this just as I've gotten through many other trials throughout this ordeal.

-Rachel

Saturday night, I attended the rehab prom at Children's Hospital.

I spent the evening with Mark, who suffered a severe TBI  from a skateboarding accident. He is doing great and its only been seven months! We danced the night away!  I hope to stay in touch with him. Thanks Mark, for being my date!  I also met up with an old friend of mine from high school, Paulina. Paulina received a TBI from a car accident four years ago; just seven months after I was injured. Interestingly enough, her accident occurred when I was in the hospital having cranioplasty surgery. We talked and plan to hang out soon. I am really looking forward to this! Another person I saw was Ben, who I met last year at the Youth Leadership Forum. Many of my therapists, doctors and even Ansley, the therapy dog  were there. It was great to see them, it felt like a reunion! Needless to say, I had a blast! Check out some pictures of this night in the photo album.

A couple months ago, I signed up for an advanced placement history class, simply for the purpose of seeing if I'm ready to tackle college level classes. Obtaining a college degree had always been a goal of mine and to me, has always been an indicator of success. Becuse of my injury, I learned this class was just too much at this time in my life. They say for a one hour class, two hours of studying is required a night. But for someone with a brain injury, this two hours turned into four or more hours. Between working in the morrning, going to class in the afternoon, studying in the evenings AND  trying to work in therapies, I discovered this was just so overwhelming. After re-evaluating what I want in life, I realiized  I don't need college to be labeled a success. I have so much more going on in my life that is already making me successful. For example my job, which I enjoy, volunteering and by just  recovering from this injury, I  have been labeled a success. I'm now realizing that college is not what makes someone successful. I'm not saying that college won't be in my future, but I now realize this will not determine whether or not I'm considered a success.

Make sure you pick up this week's issue of PEOPLE magazine due out at newstands no later than this Friday, 2/11. It'll be the one with Jennifer Aniston on the cover. My story will be featured somewhere in the magazine! I'm hoping it turns out okay. Let me know what you think!

-Rachel

Last Saturday, Rep. Gabby Giffords of Arizona suffered a gunshot to the head. Because so very few of us have survived this kind of an injury, there has been much news coverage on this story. The media has been looking for survivors of similiar inujuries and they found my story. This past week I was contacted and interviewed by ABC news and WOSU NPR news. I've also been contacted by a couple other news sources but nothing ever materialized. Below is the link to the ABC news story titled  "Living Miracles: Survivors of Gunshots to the Head."

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/tucson-shooting-gabrielle-giffords-survive-shot-head/story?id=12593878

Also this coming Tuesday, January 18 my NPR interview will be aired on WOSU radio 89.7 in Columbus.  

Here is the link to this interview:

http://www.publicbroadcasting.net/wosu/news.newsmain/article/0/0/1750281/WOSU.News/Columbus.Woman.Overcomes.Gunshot.To.The.Head

I am truly hoping that my story can be a source of hope for Congresswoman Giffords and her family. I know in my own situation, my family and I needed to hear stories of inspiration. I'm praying that Congresswoman Giffords makes a full recovery.

Please continue to not only keep me in your prayers, but also everyone else who has sufferred a TBI including Rep Giffords.